Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
