the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
