i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
