I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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