why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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