I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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