I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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