meet me or not, i'm out of control
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
