Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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