I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
