from now on my penis is your penis
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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