That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
