The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
