I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
