playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize