Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
