Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
