is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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