do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
