hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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