I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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