just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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