I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize