Pants 0. Shit 1.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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