if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
