Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
