I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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