don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
