Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
