You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize