The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize
