Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
