why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize