Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
