the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
