i would punch a child for taco bell
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
