he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
