And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
