we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
