i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
