A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize