My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
