Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
