I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
