he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize