I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
