Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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