Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
