Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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