My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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