Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
