Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
