god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
