A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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