I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
