Dual....:-)
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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