I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
NoShamevember. You game?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
