my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
