Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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