the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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