ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
