Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize