What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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