I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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