Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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