The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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