Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
