I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
