I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
