She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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